absolutelyaleta's blog

blogging for dummies

“god of carnage” on broadway

on my vacation last week, my friend, Christi and i checked out “God of Carnage” on Broadway which won the Tony award for Best Play in 2009. i thought it well written, funny and it contained a technical bit i’ve never before seen on stage. here’s a video of the four fabulous actors (including Jeff Daniels and Lucy Liu) currently performing Yasmina Raza’s play:

it was a fabulous show to befit an exciting first trip to NYC. i can’t wait to go back. here’s a pic of me outside of the theatre.

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May 1, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , | Leave a comment

the itch is back

so i haven’t been writing much. much? at all. but it’s not exactly writer’s block because i can always find something to ramble about. i really think it’s the same lazy spirit that caused me to quit: viola, swim team, tennis, piano, golf, Brownies (never made it to a girl scout) and sculpting. i just get bored and move on, or rather in this case, i was thinking my readers might be getting bored with me. in any case, thinking back over the hobbies i’ve quit over the years, I thought I would write more of an explanation, mainly for my parent’s sake. after all they paid for most of it.

Viola: i took up viola because a professional orchestra came to my elementary school and had a solo violist. she played a real upbeat jig and i was enthralled. took lessons for a while but hated practicing. i wanted to be outside on my roller skates and hence, my viola playing lasted about as long as that jig.

Swim Team: i was a pretty good swimmer which was probably why i stayed in it as long as i did. the trouble started when i got to high school and promptly realized i wasn’t as good as i thought. the pool of competition got larger and to top it off snotty nosed swimmers would tug at my feet if i was going to slow. couldn’t stand interpersonal conflict at that time, so i quit and joined the drama club. good move, aleta and now i love interpersonal conflict.

Tennis: i always would swat the ball around in my carport and wasn’t half bad. again, delusions of grandeur. took a class as a kid and later tried again as an adult. too much running back and forth but i still managed to get a good shot in every now and then.

Piano: i think i played the piano for about 3 years or so. i know i got through a number of instructional books. had a middle aged piano teacher named Anita who drove a red corvette and had 3 pianos and an organ in her small house. she always parked that damn corvette slanted. my sister ended up playing much better than i and i probably got jealous. i wish i hadn’t quit though.

Golf: tried it as an adult in my early 20’s and then again in my 30’s. was fun but an expensive sport. took every class that the University of Texas offered. i wasn’t half bad but i wouldn’t say i was half good either. needed a ton more practice and started getting lazy about getting my clubs to the range.

Brownies: was a brownie for a month or two. just remember the uniform. can’t remember why i didn’t go into girl scouts. probably because the thought of selling anything makes me break out in a cold sweat.

Sculpting: i took a sculpting class about 3 years ago to keep busy while my boyfriend at the time was acting in a play at night. i did it mainly so he wouldn’t think i was sitting around waiting for him to hang out with me (which, of course, i was). my heart wasn’t in making pots and when he dumped me, i dumped the clay.

now all that being said I have stuck with acting. Went to an audition last week, as a matter of fact. didn’t get it but that just spurs me onto getting the next one.

as for this blog, i’ve gotta be honest, making myself write every day was getting to be a pain and i started rebelling against it. in essence, rebelling against myself, which is pretty stupid. maybe i should try the opposite and tell myself, i can’t do it and then the competitor in me will come raging forth.

all right. done.

April 30, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , | 1 Comment

sug’s dexterity dims

one of my dog sugar’s favorite things to do has always been to play fetch. for the last 15 years i’ve kept a steady supply of tennis balls on hand so that inside or out we could always tire her out a bit. now in her golden years ball chasing has become a bit of a challenge. she can’t jump at all like she used to. when she was 1 years old, she was dubbed “best jumper in her class” by the obediance instructor and even up until 1.5 years ago she was still a very agile jumper.

so this morning, we decide to play. well, sugar decided we were playing. so in order to make more room in this 720 sq. ft. apt. i pushed the coffee table flush with the couch. unfortunately, things got a little out of hand. see i forget, and so does sugar, that she’s old and has arthritis. so she was running around with the ball and then i started chasing her to pretend to try and get the ball back and she jumped on top of the coffee table trying to get away. she slipped and fell down and my heart broke. because in the old days she would’ve made that jump and got away. instead she was scared and confused as to why she fell.

i should know better than to play with her like that. she also has vestibular disease and gets disoriented easily anyway.

these last few years with her are going to be tough.

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March 21, 2010 Posted by | All | , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

splish splash

more fun from the office manager files. last week an employee came up to my desk and whispered, “can i talk to you about something?” now, when this guy whispers, i know it’s serious, since his booming voice can be heard from miles away.  so he laid it on me. thankfully not literally.

“there are these deodorant things in the urinals and when i pee, i end up getting splashed on. it gets on my clothes and even on the walls sometimes. it’s really bothersome to go back to my desk with wet clothes on, so can something be done about it?”

now aside from another round of toliet training for him, my only choice was to call building management to ask them to remove, what i’ve now learned are called, urinal deodorant cakes.

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after my building representative finished laughing her head off, she told me she’d have the male custodians do some quality assurance testing of their current brand of deodorant cakes. apparently, splashing did ensue because she later called to tell me the cakes had been removed and they were investigating an alternative brand.

let’s hope this one comes with a splash guard and free copies of:

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March 19, 2010 Posted by | All | , , , , , | 1 Comment

fuzzy capture

today we were able to catch a flying fuzzy thereby averting the need to stretch pantyhose over the air vent to catch them. that was one of the suggestions i received for catching the little buggers. i balked because i could just see the whole place going up in my smoke over my No Nonsense Silky Sheers. I can see the headline now:

office manager’s pantyhose sound 3 alarms but not because of her legs

tomorrow they are going into the duct work to try and find the newly christened “dustballs.” makes me wonder if some little troll lives up there and has been amusing himself by raining fuzzies on the artists’ heads. if that’s the case, his gig is up.

the Fuzzbusters have arrived and these badasses don’t wear pantyhose.

March 18, 2010 Posted by | All | , | 1 Comment

the case of the flying fuzzies

part I of the office manager mysteries.

a couple of days ago, i was alerted to what is actually an old problem at my office, the flying fuzzy. in one small section of my office what appears to be flying bits of fuzz rain on some of my employees. the fuzz is sporadic but continues to haunt about 8-10 employees and their work space.

after explaining the problem, once again, to my building maintenance they decided to call in the big guns. mr. grimm (his real name) promptly came a calling and lo and behold the fuzzies weren’t falling while he was present. murphy’s law, of course.  after more investigating mr. grimm decided he just cannot find the source and absolutely needs to see a fuzzy for himself. he advised me to have the affected employees alert me when the fuzzies fall so that i can run back and collect them for myself (in a baggie or whatnot).

figuring that the fuzzies would appear when i was at lunch, i deputized my staff and gave them envelopes for instant collecting.

by 4:30 today none were captured. stay tuned.

March 17, 2010 Posted by | General | , | 1 Comment

lunasa

Lunasa“, one of my favorite irish bands performs “The Boy in the Boat.” enjoy this toe-tapping video on St. Patrick’s Eve.

March 16, 2010 Posted by | General | , , , , , | Leave a comment

booksink

waiting, waiting, waiting, just like Vladimir or Estragon. i am without words on a tangible page.

i mailed my books back to Bookswim two weeks ago and they still haven’t received them. no new books are on their way and i’m forced to reread my bookshelf. no where near a death sentence, but still…

went to the Bookswim website today and saw that i can pay an additional $6.99 (on top of $23.95 per month) to have my books mailed priority mail. awesome! let me get right on that.

again, i must say the pony express was undoubtedly far superior. i hold more faith in bicycles or mopeds. hell, a yak would get my books here faster. i’m afraid my patience is running thin and ding dong, Godot is at the door.

Bookswim, take heed.

March 14, 2010 Posted by | Bookswim | , , , | 1 Comment

soap dreams

another writing resurrection from the early 2000’s, similar to my Keno brothers piece.

When I have a nightmare, I don’t pop out of bed, panting and horrified like they do in the movies. I just don’t, do you? Here we are in the year 2002 and they haven’t yet figured out a different way to dramatize a person having a nightmare. When I have a nightmare, I usually just wake up and move around in my bed, maybe yawn a few times. And then I force myself to remember it, otherwise, I’ll fall right back into it again. Sometimes, when I’m crying in the nightmare I wake up with tears on my cheeks. But, I have never, ever, instantaneously sat up in bed, gasping for what’s sure to be my last breath.

Although sometimes I wish I lived on TV. Well, not just any TV show, a soap opera. You never have to work and when you do go to work, all you have to do is wait for other characters to come and talk over your personal life, or their personal life, or any personal life of the 30 people who happen to live in the little soap opera town. There are no such things as bad hair days, laundry, dishes, or even waiting in line. Course there is a lot of illness. But I’ve always liked visiting hospitals and cemeteries.

Wouldn’t it be great if I had writers who were writing my storyline? Keeping it interesting, giving me a new handsome boyfriend every 6 mos. to a year. Making sure that I had just enough drama and romance but giving me a few slow periods so that I could also take a vacation. And I’m okay with the outrageous. I wouldn’t mind being kidnapped by my estranged, lunatic half-brother, who holds me captive on a desert island, until Chance, my latest billionaire boyfriend, comes to my rescue. That would be OK. I could handle that. I could handle not having to spend another minute in the “Dating Scene.” So, if there are any soap writers out there looking for a chance to merge soaps and reality, give me a call.

One thing though about the nightmare scenes, don’t make me pop out of bed panting. Okay? Keep it real. Don’t worry I’ll have no trouble convincing people that I’ve had a nightmare. All I have to do is wake-up, and say “Oh, my God, I just dreamed I was single!!!”

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footnote: here’s a great Saturday Night Live depiction of that nightmare gasping i’m talking about.

SNL Digital Short: The Mirror.

March 14, 2010 Posted by | Earlier Pieces I've Written | , , , , , | Leave a comment

in case you thought i was kidding

found post-op, mrs. b and her badly wrinkled apron. my mother needs to send her contact info for her ironer, betty. yes, as i’ve said before, my mother has an ironer. crazy. i don’t even know if i have an iron.

March 9, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , | 1 Comment